Getting over it.

So this morning and basically for the last few days, my emotions have been on edge, I have been testy and I haven't been very nice to most people. Oh outside I was all hugs and smiles but inside I was hopeing that they tripped with their soup in hand and spilt it all over the others that were standing around them. Ok maybe that's a bit melodramatic but it's true, I have been wishing ill-will on others lately. It's not that it's their fault or that I 'hate' them it's just that I don't like the relationships that have bloomed/died this semester and really it's because of me. For those of you who don't know I work about 36 hours a week as well as holding down a 18 credit semester and 20 hours of educational field experiance. So really I have just worked my butt off this semester to help pay for school. it's working (only 1600 in loans for two years!) but at what cost. I feel so unconnected to my friends, I don't know how to fix it though. Like this morning Mandi was all excited because she and Mike (this guy who she likes but refuses to admit that she wants to get with him) and going on a double 'date' with Jolly, Hon. Normally I would be so excited that they are going but the fact that she is now OK with them (Mike and her) going out with other couples kinda hurt. Cause I tried to plan an 'outing' with Dustin and I and Mike and Mandi and she flipped out and said it would be too strange. I respect that but don't turn around 1 week later and act like the oppertunity has never presented itself. So then we talked about Dustin and I cause I know she has a past with him and if that is strange then I understand that too. But she said it wasn't and that she felt sometimes like Dustin takes up all of my freetime. And I really just wanted to say to her 'cause anytime I try to hang out with you, you blow me off' like this past Fri. I planned to hang out with her after I got off work but she called about 30 min before I got off and was like 'we are going to Justin's meet us there if you want'.. I would have had to walk to Justin's by myself, in the dark, and Nyack isn't the safest town ever. So I told her I would see her when she got back. Then Dustin called and invited me to go hotdog shopping so I went. I'm not just gonna sit around in my room and if she doesn't want to hang out then fine, I have other friends. That's really how I feel and I know that I should just tell her but well, its hard, cause I do work A LOT! and I don't see her as often as I would like, but even when I take off work to hang out, somehow I feel blown off like she doesn't want me around. She says that she and Lauren feel the same way about me but I really don't get it. I don't know maybe I'm just closed minded. I'll get over it. Sorry if this doesn't exactly make sence to any of you. you'll get over it too.