On the Surface

Sometimes I worry about my family. I know deep down that there is nothing real to worry about but on the surface sometimes I get caught up in it all and it worries me. My parents are in love. (so... what's the problem? right?) well there's more to it than that. Sometimes to talk to them you wouldn't know that. When mom considers (only on the surface) leaving my dad. and when my dad slips into this 'other-world' state that hes been in for a while now (about a year), I can't help but worry and then there's us kids. Stasi just graduated and she's working at Eckard, not a huge deal; she's going to Denver in May to train to be a 'missionary-type-person'. But she worries me sometimes (only on the surface though) that she doesnt realize that she's made for GREAT things! I can't wait to see what God is going to do with her and through her and I love that I got to be a small part in it. (even if it's just picking out her prom date)! And Amanda, she's stuck in mediocrity too sometimes. She's an amazing person who is going to see amazing things happen in her lifetime and she'll have a part in making them happen. Alex is another story. I get mad sometimes because he's getting gypet. He has an amazing family but sometimes we can't get ourselves together enough to pass that on to him. We all have our own lives and forget that there's a little one who needs to get a life, who is moldable and watching every move we make. So I guess that leaves me, ministryless and depressed (at the moment). missing God and crying inside but too proud to let that penitrate to my surface. We all have the good inside, the amazing the spectacular but we build walls to keep it inside and then we wonder why we can't see the amazing and the spectacular and we blame God for it. Like he made us this way. but he didn't he made us to be amazing and spectacular and proactive! 'God-help me to be what is indwelled within me!'