Distracted

OK so I'm not distracted as much as I'm distracting myself. I was reading my sister's blog and found the most wonderful treasure, you know where it says in Matthew that 'Mary treasured up all of these things in her heart'? well I have been challenged to find just such treasures in my life and place them in the recesses of my heart to grow from warm, fuzzy feelings into concrete joy and hope. So anyway, as stated before my sister Stasi was in an acciedent and I had some crap to deal with from that. I was sopposed to be in the seat that Alex was in, he should never have been in that car when it smashed into a cement barrier at 60 mph. I guess I'm still dealing with that in my own 'put-it-off-till-you-can't-anymore' way. So back to my story. After the accident I think we all just went into self-preservation mode and no one really talked about how they felt. So I felt kinda like I didn't have a right to be upset about myself or have feelings that others needed to listen to. So I cried with Manda till she calmed down and then rubbed her back till she fell asleep and I woke up in the morning to make everyone blueberry pancakes and made sure that the girls had food to eat and headache and pain medicine at the right times and not too much. And then the other set of feelings came in, the ones that say that 'you are affected too, why should you have to do everything?' and I gave into them somewhat, I fought with Stasi and then felt awful, I just wanted to hug her and tell her that it would be ok and that everyone loved her and that it wasn't her fault, but now that I had been selfish I couldn't and it made me feel like crap and when that happens I lash out, and she was the obvious canidate. So then Alex came home and things got better in some ways, because with Alex my mom came home and then I didn't feel like I had to hold this family together any longer. So I had time to dwell on the selfish thoughts of being unappriciated. Then today I'm putting off outlining 4 chapters of Grammer lessons and reading Stasi's blog and I found out that she really does appriciate me and the things that I do and it made me feel wonderful and I'm storing that one up for later, hopefully it can go with me in my little treasure box I'm convinced we all get to take to heaven.