Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
On the right track (an update)
I've been reflecting on life lately and this is not a reflection but an update...
I am doing well here at Nyack, I am loving my work, my new manager is tons of fun, well my Sr at least, Wendy I'm not sure of yet cause we never work together EVER, she only works with Miguel and some of us think there may be something going on.. but noone can prove anything so we are just thinking they are really good family friends. I have gotten to hang out with Nathalie (or other Asst. Mngr) she is amazing, she's a Hatian immigrant who has been here a little over a year. She has done amazing things with her life. She studied law in Haiti and then worked as an English teacher (now you know why we get along so well) and interpreter Then she moved to the US and sold shoes (what a step back huh?) but she didn't see it as a step back, her enthusiasm for life is the most amazing thing. She lives in one bedroom apt. with her Aunt and her kids and her mother. How crowded, no wonder she likes coming to work. So that has been rewarding.. pray for her, her view on Chrisitanity is very bleak because of past experiance.
My classes are going ok. They are classes what is there to say, I have my first Bib. Doct. Exam... everyone is freaking out about it but it's really not gonna be that hard (I don't think) ANYWAY.. I should go study for it in the last 15 min I have so have a great day, I'm on track for one...
I am doing well here at Nyack, I am loving my work, my new manager is tons of fun, well my Sr at least, Wendy I'm not sure of yet cause we never work together EVER, she only works with Miguel and some of us think there may be something going on.. but noone can prove anything so we are just thinking they are really good family friends. I have gotten to hang out with Nathalie (or other Asst. Mngr) she is amazing, she's a Hatian immigrant who has been here a little over a year. She has done amazing things with her life. She studied law in Haiti and then worked as an English teacher (now you know why we get along so well) and interpreter Then she moved to the US and sold shoes (what a step back huh?) but she didn't see it as a step back, her enthusiasm for life is the most amazing thing. She lives in one bedroom apt. with her Aunt and her kids and her mother. How crowded, no wonder she likes coming to work. So that has been rewarding.. pray for her, her view on Chrisitanity is very bleak because of past experiance.
My classes are going ok. They are classes what is there to say, I have my first Bib. Doct. Exam... everyone is freaking out about it but it's really not gonna be that hard (I don't think) ANYWAY.. I should go study for it in the last 15 min I have so have a great day, I'm on track for one...
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Life
It doesn't suck, its just blah. Do you ever have days like that.. when you really wish you could call your exboyfriend because he was such a good listener, and you just want to talk to your mom but you aren't getting along right now for some reason that noone can figure out and your Spanish pronunciation is going to the pigs. None of it is life shattering however none of it makes for the best day... So that's where I'm at, just life, not that it sucks or that it's wonderful but just that it is.
Like I said, I don't know why I don't feel like talking to my mom, we have a great relationship and I can always tell her everything (even when it gets me in trouble for telling her). It's just that lately I just want to talk to her not as a mom but as a friend, who understands what I'm going through and I know she wouldn't agree with how my life is being run right now but really it's my life and while I appriciate her input, I think it's time I make some mistakes. That doesn't make much sense since if I know they are mistakes why would I choose to do them? well that's a good question... maybe because I can and maybe because I just want to do something for once that they don't approve of or have a say over...
*aren't you sopposed to rebel against your parents when you are living with them?*
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. This morning I was thinking about goals and what my goals are for this year and sadly I don't have any... just finish out one more year and maybe bring up my GPA a little and not fight everytime I see my parents. Those are the lamest goals I have ever seen and the really sad thing is... they are mine.. this is my life, not good, not bad, not quite ugly but just LIFE.
Like I said, I don't know why I don't feel like talking to my mom, we have a great relationship and I can always tell her everything (even when it gets me in trouble for telling her). It's just that lately I just want to talk to her not as a mom but as a friend, who understands what I'm going through and I know she wouldn't agree with how my life is being run right now but really it's my life and while I appriciate her input, I think it's time I make some mistakes. That doesn't make much sense since if I know they are mistakes why would I choose to do them? well that's a good question... maybe because I can and maybe because I just want to do something for once that they don't approve of or have a say over...
*aren't you sopposed to rebel against your parents when you are living with them?*
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. This morning I was thinking about goals and what my goals are for this year and sadly I don't have any... just finish out one more year and maybe bring up my GPA a little and not fight everytime I see my parents. Those are the lamest goals I have ever seen and the really sad thing is... they are mine.. this is my life, not good, not bad, not quite ugly but just LIFE.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Wet tshirt contest
This isn't funny God... today it wasn't sopposed to rain, it was a good day and still is but I just didn't want to have it rain on me in my thin little white tshirt... yuck.. and then I had to walk back across the entire campus in my see-through shirt to my dorm to change and now I'm typing to you.. I guess it could have been worse.. but who knows... Anyway.. today is a great day.. everyone I have talked to agrees... even my sister Stasi.. I think, I talked to her before she worked all day watching someone elses children and I haven't been to work but hopefully things will go well.. I had yesterday off and that was nice.. I took a 3 hr nap (no more than that Mandi). it was delightful! and than Steph called and we decided to do something which turned into a hunt for the New York Times for Justin so we could borrow one of his DVD's ... good times.. well I'm gonna change and go to dinner.. maybe the food will be good.. now I'm being way to opptomistic.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
life sucks
life isn't easy, a lot of time you have to make decisions that you don't want to make. Life isn't fair, you rarely ever get your way. Life isn't always fun, sometimes you have to be an adult. Life sucks.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
here's to the single life
I've never been so misirably blissful, I just burst into tears for no reason, well there usually is a reason but it's not that real reason cause I don't know what the real reason is. I'm an emotional train wreck and I can't take it. Jimmy and I brok up (my choice).. and that doesn't mean that I don't care about him or that I never want to see him again but I feel like me keeping in touch is killing him slowly and he's too pridful to say anything. I know sometimes when we get off the phone I cry, I can't put a finger on why or what caused it but I just feel like a part of me is missing. I hear that normal when you give peices of yourself to someone and then that someone dies, that's what's sopposed to happen, not that you arne't together anymore, they are sopposed to die, not that I would ever want Jimmy to die! I would NOT be able to handle that if he did. So I'm glad that he's not dead (beyond glad) but really I guess you are sopposed to get a commitment and have a commitment to someone before you give your heart away.
*note to self*
remember to look ahead before jumping in with both feet
*back to the ramble*
I just don't know what to do and he thinks I have all these people who are supporting me and lifting me up when I cry and all these people who I can call anytime I want to and I prolly do have a number of people like that. but I'm to 'hold it together' to call them. (most of them) I just had an episode and I picked up my phone and I needed to talk to someone and I couodn't think of one person, so I called my sister, who didn't answer her phone (when I needed her the most *guilt trip*) and so than I had no one. I tried my other sister who also has a life and wouldn't take my call... so that's it, two people who I'm related to so they have to love me and accept me and they can't even help and I guess I could call someone else but I don't want to get into it with anyone here, they are all concerned with how I feel and they will keep asking me when really I just need someone to talk me down off this ledge and get me sane and then never mention it again... and in all this stupid me thought I could reconnect with my ex... whoa Abi, where was my support then, nowhere apparently, I'm not ready for that. I can't handle getting over Jimmy and getting over him at the same time, not that I'm not over him, I am but really it's like reliving everything all over again and I don't want to have to deal with that, maybe that's what God is trying to tell me that I need to just get over things all at once, like a crash course. who knows. I need to do some school work, maybe I'll catch you up later, just to clarify, Jimmy and I are over as are Dustin and I. I have no desire to date anyone for a very long time, even if the new guy is really nice, I'm honestly thinking of just being single for the rest of my life, but part of me still wants to go on dates and be treated like a princess and be able to do it on my own time and all that jazz which is never gonna happen cause that's not the way the world works. so here's to the single life. (I know this is confussing but if I didn't put it out there I wouldn't ever and it's really just thoughts as they run through my head they aren't concrete and no decisions, mine or yours should be made based on them they'll prolly change tomorrow, so here I am.. AGH
*note to self*
remember to look ahead before jumping in with both feet
*back to the ramble*
I just don't know what to do and he thinks I have all these people who are supporting me and lifting me up when I cry and all these people who I can call anytime I want to and I prolly do have a number of people like that. but I'm to 'hold it together' to call them. (most of them) I just had an episode and I picked up my phone and I needed to talk to someone and I couodn't think of one person, so I called my sister, who didn't answer her phone (when I needed her the most *guilt trip*) and so than I had no one. I tried my other sister who also has a life and wouldn't take my call... so that's it, two people who I'm related to so they have to love me and accept me and they can't even help and I guess I could call someone else but I don't want to get into it with anyone here, they are all concerned with how I feel and they will keep asking me when really I just need someone to talk me down off this ledge and get me sane and then never mention it again... and in all this stupid me thought I could reconnect with my ex... whoa Abi, where was my support then, nowhere apparently, I'm not ready for that. I can't handle getting over Jimmy and getting over him at the same time, not that I'm not over him, I am but really it's like reliving everything all over again and I don't want to have to deal with that, maybe that's what God is trying to tell me that I need to just get over things all at once, like a crash course. who knows. I need to do some school work, maybe I'll catch you up later, just to clarify, Jimmy and I are over as are Dustin and I. I have no desire to date anyone for a very long time, even if the new guy is really nice, I'm honestly thinking of just being single for the rest of my life, but part of me still wants to go on dates and be treated like a princess and be able to do it on my own time and all that jazz which is never gonna happen cause that's not the way the world works. so here's to the single life. (I know this is confussing but if I didn't put it out there I wouldn't ever and it's really just thoughts as they run through my head they aren't concrete and no decisions, mine or yours should be made based on them they'll prolly change tomorrow, so here I am.. AGH
Monday, September 05, 2005
amily and other random rambles
so here goes, I went to see Jimmy this weekend, we were going to go to his church on Sun so he came out and got me Sat. night so we didn't have to get up crazy early on Sun.
lets start with church, his church was relatively normal, a little more contemporary than Mars Alliance but not soo out there you want to run for the hills, he told me that it was very likely that there would be congrigational speaking in tounges, which I don't agree with and I told him so, but it turns out we misunderstood eachother. I thought he ment that the pastor would announce it like "now we will speak in tounges to the Lord". That I don't agree with but what he did mean was that some people in his congrigation speak in tounges when they worship. so you see conflict avoided, YEAH. But not really, see he had talked to his pastor and told him God knows what about me and my spiritual background so his pastor pulls me aside before the service and starts to tell me all about how prayer is improtant and how we need to be praying about national matters and some other things, and it came off as very condicending and I just wanted to stop him and say "Really I do believe in Jesus". So I just listened and nodded my way through it believeing it had something to do with what Jimmy had told him about me but all the same resenting it kind of. So then I told Jimmy or rather asked him what he had told him and explained how things had come off to me and so Jimmy and I are talking outside the church and Jimmy's pastor comes out and asks if everything is ok and Jimmy chimes right in and tells him how I feel offended and all this stuff, which I understand why, because I didn't communicate my thoughts very well and the fact that I know the pastor didn't mean to come off that way and that his heart was in the right place but I didn't get to that, so now it's akward between the pastor and me before the service, he appologized (which wasn't necessary). other than that the church thing went off without a hitch
The next event was meeting his family, which I was nervious about, he is Italian and has strong roots there so family is huge to him and not so much to me so I was going ot meet some people before the BIG family *reunion* which we are calling a party cause it's not as scary to me. so I met Sam at church he really helped me not feel so akward *that's Sam* and Marian his fiance or girlfriend or something like that and I already knew Rachel and Jen and Joey, I also met his aunt Lisa and his Uncle Mike, they are all sweet, a little overwhelming but all in all I think it went well. There are some things there that I don't exactly want in my family but we will see, first impressions can be misplaced.
THEN the final event was a walk on the beach and Trivial Persuit with Sam and Marian, Rachel and Jen and Jimmy and me. Well between the walk on the beach and the game my allergies caught up with me from his aunt's dog. so I took this benadryl which knocked me out, like can't-see-straight-to walk-in-a-straight-line-without-faltering loopy. I ended us spending the night (n what a night it was) so all in all my Labor day weekend was great... a new adventure everyday. and now on actual labor day I must get to class....
lets start with church, his church was relatively normal, a little more contemporary than Mars Alliance but not soo out there you want to run for the hills, he told me that it was very likely that there would be congrigational speaking in tounges, which I don't agree with and I told him so, but it turns out we misunderstood eachother. I thought he ment that the pastor would announce it like "now we will speak in tounges to the Lord". That I don't agree with but what he did mean was that some people in his congrigation speak in tounges when they worship. so you see conflict avoided, YEAH. But not really, see he had talked to his pastor and told him God knows what about me and my spiritual background so his pastor pulls me aside before the service and starts to tell me all about how prayer is improtant and how we need to be praying about national matters and some other things, and it came off as very condicending and I just wanted to stop him and say "Really I do believe in Jesus". So I just listened and nodded my way through it believeing it had something to do with what Jimmy had told him about me but all the same resenting it kind of. So then I told Jimmy or rather asked him what he had told him and explained how things had come off to me and so Jimmy and I are talking outside the church and Jimmy's pastor comes out and asks if everything is ok and Jimmy chimes right in and tells him how I feel offended and all this stuff, which I understand why, because I didn't communicate my thoughts very well and the fact that I know the pastor didn't mean to come off that way and that his heart was in the right place but I didn't get to that, so now it's akward between the pastor and me before the service, he appologized (which wasn't necessary). other than that the church thing went off without a hitch
The next event was meeting his family, which I was nervious about, he is Italian and has strong roots there so family is huge to him and not so much to me so I was going ot meet some people before the BIG family *reunion* which we are calling a party cause it's not as scary to me. so I met Sam at church he really helped me not feel so akward *that's Sam* and Marian his fiance or girlfriend or something like that and I already knew Rachel and Jen and Joey, I also met his aunt Lisa and his Uncle Mike, they are all sweet, a little overwhelming but all in all I think it went well. There are some things there that I don't exactly want in my family but we will see, first impressions can be misplaced.
THEN the final event was a walk on the beach and Trivial Persuit with Sam and Marian, Rachel and Jen and Jimmy and me. Well between the walk on the beach and the game my allergies caught up with me from his aunt's dog. so I took this benadryl which knocked me out, like can't-see-straight-to walk-in-a-straight-line-without-faltering loopy. I ended us spending the night (n what a night it was) so all in all my Labor day weekend was great... a new adventure everyday. and now on actual labor day I must get to class....
Friday, September 02, 2005
life is funny
so today is ok, I am doing fine and dandy. lately it's been rough what with my boyfriend and all, adjusting to being in the same state is more difficult than I thought it would be. so I'm just dealing. Yesterday we decided to go to his house in Queens for dinner (at around 7pm mind you) So we get there and eat and then they turn out the lights and bring in this cake with candles and stuff and Im totally clueless and as I looked around the table everyone else did too. Then we started singing 'Happy Birthday' (I still don't think anyone knew whoes birthday we were celebrating) turns out they were singing for his mother whoes birthday was a month ago.. go figure. Then we hung out and didn't come back to Nyack till around 2am, (sorry honey no more late nights like that). I was ok though cause my morning class was canceled and my first one wasn't till around 11am but Rachel, I love her. Came and got me up for our 9am class (that was canceled!) Oh my... so Im tired and missing home and all that jazz. So drop me a line up here at school if you want the addy is
One South Blvd Nyack NY 10960 I love to get mail!
So that' s pretty much it... reconnecting and all that junk, life is good and crazy already and I haven't started work yet (start on Tues) Let ya know how that goes....
One South Blvd Nyack NY 10960 I love to get mail!
So that' s pretty much it... reconnecting and all that junk, life is good and crazy already and I haven't started work yet (start on Tues) Let ya know how that goes....
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