Am I Crazy?

You may be premenstrual if
1. you eat an entire package of double chocolate double stuffed oreos in less than three days.
2. you cry every time you see your husband (even if you are upset with him)
3. you continuously hear your child crying even though you are watching her sleep peacefully before your own eyes.
4. going out is daunting. even when you don't have anymore diapers because of an over site by your premenstrual mind
Of course I'm not premenstrual so I guess this means I'm just crazy.

How Big?

SO BIG!

Mother Moment

When I T9 '733' instead of the word 'see' being standard (like it is on your phone) mine automatically makes the word 'pee'.

Claire Fix

Three is an Uneven Number

Claire now has three teeth. Not an even four, but three and for some reason having only three teeth makes her look really mischievous. I'm not sure why and am open to opinions on that one, but she is cute, and when she smiles really big you only see the one on the top and not the ones on the bottom... (this is such a mother-post)(sorry)(heck what am I sorry for, I am a mom)
In other news I have a ton of baby girl clothes and I need to unload some of them that we have grown out of, so if you know of anyone that wants them please let me know. (seriously we could cloth twins for their lifetime, even triplets if you did wash once a week)

Claire's First Steps

Here are Claire's 19th, 20th & 21st steps.

Poor Bart is Dead

A candle lights his head, he's looking oh so pretty and serene...

My fish died while I was on vacation. I buried him today. He was a good fish. I'm not sure if I could ever replace him. :(
I may have cried.

Rest In Peace Bart.

Misc.

Notice that the oversized sheep is cleverly placed to cover the dominos that have been spilled out onto the floor. She's sneaky already.

Also, I got Claire a towel that has a mermaid on it, it's kinda like a poncho-towel. Very cool however it is a bit chesty and that's really all you see when you look at her in it. Tell me that wasn't the first thing you noticed in these pictures. But it's cute none-the-less. :) She also got a new pool which causes mommy and daddy to pass out whenever they try to blow it up.

Maybe an air pump?

Bonus: in the second picture of Claire in her mermaid towel, if you look closely you can see her teeth.. yes teeth not tooth. There are two.

Is That A Noodle Bike?

Just because by the time I take it to MD it will no longer look like this and once I put it in front of the hungry masses, I know they won't notice. So for myself, yes, that's a bike cut out of noodles on top of my lasagna for the Lane Family Vacation.

Taking Your Own Picture

Mommy is busy and not feeling well so I am updating for myself, since I know it is me that you are all itching to hear about. I am over the Roseola and glad to be, yesterday I went back to regular napping and that was nice. I am excited to go on vacation starting Saturday! No biking for me, I'll hang by the pool.

sicky

So Claire has roseola which apparently means you break out in this rash and you cry a lot. It also involves the most disgusting sounding diarrhea ever. (oh and did I mention the vomit and crying?) It's pretty miserable for everyone involved. Please pray that this will clear up quickly.

What Does a Hippo Sound Like

Response Required

I am in love with The Weepies, Stasi turned me onto them. They are so soothing to me, good 'missing your love' or 'I'm so lonely' music. Not that I miss my love or am lonely, I am neither but the music is very good for unwinding after a hard naptime or 'I won't eat but I'm hungry' moment. We have a lot of those lately. I'm looking for a method of teaching her to sleep on her own. Any suggestions are appreciated. (and do check out The Weepies)

PS The dry cleaner who was lucky enough to take our throw-up cushions did in fact ask if the cushions were dry clean only, and then checked to ensure we were telling the truth... I feel bad.

Sick

I have my first sick child today. One min. she just has a fever and the next she's puking in my lap and all over her rocker/glider. Afterwards she felt better (or seemed to). I called my mom to ask her if she had any puke cleaning secrets. She said her secret is her husband. The kid pukes, she takes care of cleaning the kid and when she gets back the puke is gone. I decided not to wait till 10 when my husband got home to ask him if he wanted to clean up the puke. He is not feeling well either, and Rachel is sick too. A house full of sickness. Now if only I knew of a good dry cleaner who would do these cushions...

I'm not doing it anymore.

Beach

We went to the beach, Claire liked chasing the waves back into the ocean.. it was fun to see her react when they got her feet as she stood in the surf. :) We will go again.

Have Passports Will Travel

Daddy and Claire

Jim has discovered something that he AND Claire can enjoy... Blocks!
Jim plays 'with Claire' for hours now:

Claire gets in on the action once his creations are done, she likes to destroy them


Claire Kong:


Claire destroying the building where Daddy's new job is!

Home Sweet Home

Jim and I went on a dinner cruise around NYC. It was really fun and I learned a little more about this city I call home now. For example there are these BIG vents for the tunnels that go under the East River and the Hudson. They look like buildings on the water and they house really big fans that can suck all the air out of the tunnels whenever they need to. Who thought of that? (People like Ami) Also they are building waterfalls around the city, I thought that was weird, they look like big tall towers right now, I'm reserving judgment till I see them in action.
It was also nice to take a break from mothering for a night. Thanks Jen.
Also for those who are inclined to care; Jim quit his job at VP and is taking one at Taylor PR, so we will be staying in NY.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

We took Claire to her first Mets game. It rained all over us. But we didn't lose; they called the game. We went to the stadium and sat and pretended to cheer..

Then we went home.

Fun was had by all!

How Big

Look how big!

No Comments Make me Sad

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
Guess I'll go eat worms...

Pool Honey

Of all the things we ever did besides baseball,
going to the pool was what he tolerated best.
Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine,
which we constantly lied about,
we figured going to the pool
was the next best thing to being there.

It wasn't really the pool honeys like we said,
because if any one of them had come up to any one of us,
we'd have just peed our pants.

Claire Can Clap

So Claire can clap, I swear.. I have the video to prove it:



See.

A Tribute to My Mom

My mom always has the coolest fungus pictures on her blog. But even she was impressed when she saw the fungus I was able to grow in a cup in my house. There are three different kinds. And they are happy in the picture. As I was showing her I wondered if they would eventually get unhappy and start to fight and then I was sad that I had destroyed them. Which would win? The world will never know.

Claire Fix

For those of you needing a Clarie fix:

you just have to flip you head sideways, or on a laptop just turn it on it's side.

Teaching

I drove to Brooklyn. It was very freeing and felt good to be out of the house without my husband. I know that sounds mean but I really don't get the chance to get out without him often. It makes me appreciate him even more when I see him. I took his sister instead. She is like having a husband with you, in the ways that she helps but you don't have to worry about being a wife to her. Which is all coming out kind of strange so I'll move on.
I went to see Mary at work
**Side Note**
I have decided to call my mother-in-law Mary. It is nice sounding and since I don't call MY mother Mom it just doesn't seem right to call my mother-in-law mom. When you get married decided before you are married 7 months what you will call your mother-in-law.
****
I went to get things in order to get a job. Yes there is still more. So far I have
1. Completed a State Certified Teacher Training Degree (My BS)
2. I have moved to the state in which I am certified
3. I have completed the State's application including lots of money, and fingerprinting
4. I have completed the N Y City application including lots of money and essays
I now have to
5. Be fingerprinted again for the NY City applications (including the $115 charge to do it again)
6. Make a trip to 65 Court St. to get said fingerprints and submit my application, a different one than the one I completed above
7. Wait to hear weather I am a criminal (I am not)(can't they take my word for it)(that would make this much faster)
8. Get a 'smart card' (which sounds eco-friendly)
9. Get a teaching job.

This is much more involved than I ever imagined. Please pray this all gets done so that I can get moving, when I can find time, toward employment. I'm beginning to get overwhelmed by the process and how unprepared I feel for this job search. Also pray for relationships with my 'in-laws' this process is stressing them as well.

Thank You

Thank you though to all of you who responded to my question, that makes me happy. and tomorrow it will make me really happy, almost as happy as if these guys are away from my house.
Stupid ConEd. Stupid Alien Bug Fart Smeller.

I know why people murder complete strangers

I know this because if I had had a gun or some weapon that allowed me to attack and or mame (which my computer tells me that's not the right way to spell it) these men or the whole dang ConEd company INC! Or perhaps I should go straight to the man/woman that called the fire department and reported a 'gas smell'. Maybe it wasn't gas at all, maybe it was a giant bug farting.. maybe it was an alien invasion. Maybe your meter thing is right and there is gas somewhere around here. BUT LEAVE ME AND MY FAMILY SLEEP!


Apparently this will continue throughout the night until they have satisfactorily awakened EVERYONE in QueenS! Or until they move somewhere where someone is smart enough to have a gun handy.
I was just informed that you can't have a gun in NYC, this is why stupid people still exist here. Anywhere else in the world the above would have been weeded out by natural selection long ago.
I'm tired
very tired.
I will write them a nasty letter and if my daughter wakes up I will go outside and stand there with her screaming the WHOLE TIME and I will get their names and I will find out where they live and then I will go to their homes and wake them up with a flashing strobe and a jack-hammer.
I hate ConEd. and now we smell gas at our house, it wasn't here earlier. Stupid ConEd.
This is outside my window. like 20 feet outside my window!

A Question

I am throwing a party, a Chinese take-out murder mystery party. It should be fun. But tell me, what color do you think of when you think about a Chinese party?

Beautiful

Alabama

So we went to Alabama, I know it surprised us too. Jimmy had a job interview (results pending) and we packed ourselves up and took every mode of transportation imaginable:
1. Train (at rush hour, with Claire and all our stuff for 4 days in Alabama + a carseat)
2. Foot (Through the rain in Manhattan)
3. Taxi
4. Plane
5. Tram train thingy
6. Bus
7. Car (the smallest one ever, we could have prolly put Claire in her carseat from the trunk)
We did not take an RV.

Overall impressions are that Alabama is hot, when you live 'up north' you forget what 80 degrees feels like, I did not pack well for us. I guess I can sum it all up with a little diddy:

Oh, it rained all night
the day we left
the weather it was dry.
The sun so hot, we froze to death
Please Claire Marie don't you cry
Oh, Claire Marie
Now don't you cry for me
Cause we went to Alabama
With a baby on my knee.

Mother's Day

Mothers Day...
I'm just not sure I feel mother-ly enough.
But the flowers are nice.

How to Fix It

When you are having 'One of Those Days':

One of Those Days

You know those days, the ones where nothing on your list gets done. The ones where you cry at seemingly stupid and insignificant things, or nothing at all. The ones where your house is a mess and you just wallow in misery because of it instead of doing your dishes or folding the laundry so your husband can find his clothes in his drawers instead of having to hunt around the house in the many different baskets of assorted clean and unfolded clothes. You know those days? I'm having one.

And PS I made the cookies yesterday morning, I did burn the hole in the rug, less than 2 weeks after we bought it, and the picture of our family I've been meaning to hang? Claire is only 3 months old in it; she's now 7 months old.

All Put Back Together

or at least for the picture. There are few lingering boxes in Claire's room that need some attending to, but other than that the Great Makeover is complete!
PS. I hemmed those curtains myself.

Provoking

Can one sing along with elevator music?

My Fuare into Elfdome

Today Claire's walker came, it came in MANY more pieces than I expected it to. And the instructions well; less than helpful. (see below)
And in the end a box is much more fun.

Parental Training

Sleep Depervation Training
Course Description: Tape three fingers of each hand together and go about your daily routine. This will simulate the coordination and frustration you will feel on a daily basis. And will simulate the way your home will look about 4 months into child rearing.
Mind Reading
Course Description: Spend multiple hours alone each day with a person with many needs who can not talk to you. This will simulate the relationship you will have with you child. (Husbands are good people to try this with)
Toy Construction
Course Description: Construct elaborate, colorful contraptions which come in small pieces. For the final you will be required to construct said contraption using only rudimentary instructions in French and crude pictorial directions. The use of one hand will be restricted to simulate the child who will need constant attention as they try to get to the plastic bagS which hold the many small pieces.
Prerequisite: Toy Packaging Removal: how to get at the toy enclosed in homeland securities finest detainment packages.
Minimum of Engineering BS required
Diaper Changing
Course Description: Students will train using lifelike dolls who pee at will and most often when your back is turned or they are on someone else's carpet. Solid excrement is introduced in future higher level courses.
Feeding
Course Description: To prepare the parents for the trials of feeding, a green bean and pea mixture will be loaded into a baseball pitching machine and fired at random while parents try to pay bills, eat their own meal or maintain any semblance of normalcy.
The clothes worn for this trial will be used by the Laundry With an Infant class.