workaholic

I am a workaholic.... I am admitting it... noone will see this so it doesn't matter... have a great day... i'm off to work... (really)

What a Game!

So we went to the Pirate game yesterday, and today I guess you could say. I know that the longest game in Pirate history was long ago but the one last night sure felt like it was the longest ever. Starting at 7pm and ending at about 1am, 18 innings were played. That's a LOT of baseball. Alex was complaining in the 2 inning that the game was too long. (he fell sound asleep about the top of the tenth, and only woke up when Bautista hit a hommer to tie it up at 7-7) What a game, and I'm not even a huge baseball fan. I followed the Mets when I was dating Jimmy and I kinda know when the Astros play because of Dustin but really, I'm not a baseball girl, I can get into it. Jen and I sang 'take me out to the ballgame' just as loud as the guy across the isle during the 14th inning streach. What a game!

Ha Ha That Never Happens

So last night I went out with Matt Harrington and Jonathan Keefer... he he he.. what a mix huh? well it went well, after the initial shock of Matt in a kilt, Jonathan handled himself well. We went bowling and.. I won! Ha Ha.. that never happens.. then I got treated to icecream for winning.. Ha Ha.. that never happens either.. then I went to sleep at a decent hour, I think... I kinda don't remember... Which does happen often. So over all last night was a sucess.. so today I work for the Bossies... I'm glad I remembered.. cause I almost forgot!!

quicky

So I'm home... I think I said that already. I'll give you the quick update, it's Dad's day off work, and his 'music' has invaded all the corners of the house making it VERY hard to think about anything... so I will give you the recap of the last little bit.
I started on Mon at Fountain Park, It's tons of fun there all the time, Nadine (my 'boss') is lots of fun, she's new too so we are working through things together. No staff mtg this week YEAH!!
I am also babysitting for a family in the community, that starts Fri. Should be interesting... more on that later (when there is more)
I am home!! I love spending time with my sisters and brother and dog and mother and father...
I'm going out tonight with a devout Christian and Matt Harrington my budhist! this will be fun, hopefully we can bond over bowling and some appitizers at Applebees... we'll see..

My Update

apparently I don't update enough so... here goes

I have recently been contacted by Jimmy, and guess what? he doesn't hate me.. that was GREAT news and I am overjoyed to even have had that one conversation with him. (it may have been our last, but such is life right?)
I am home now and I really have done nothing, my official job doesn't start till the 22nd which gives me time to pack up my sister Stasi, 'I thought she already left' you may say and I would reply 'why yes, she has, but all of her stuff has stayed and thrown a HUGE party, made apparent by the disarray it is in.'
All of my stuff needs unpacked as it baked for another day in the driveway, still packed in my car, which is undrivable because of all the stuff packed into it. My life seems to be a mess, but really I'm happy with the mess that it is..
This is exactly how I hoped to spend my summer... NOT! (remember that?)

So really I'm just hopeing to have fun this summer and I need to make some people aware that I am home and then the fun shall comence..
Also pray for Alex, there's this thing going on and I'm not at liberty to say, but please pray, he's ok... for now.

So there it is.. my update

MANDI

My Mandi is home!!! I've been on the phone with her for an hour and a half-an-hour... It's so good to hear her voice... I've missed her so much.. but now she's home!! YEAH!!

I hate finals!

A Feminist? HUH?

I just got an email asking me if I wanted to buy a book titled: "Evangelical Feminism: A New Path to Liberalism?"
If this is what I am interested in now I am suprised... This is a whole new take on myself... I'm cool with that.

So I just finished my Romans final... WOW, you know how people always say 'my head hurts' Well I've always thought that was an expression, ITS NOT! who knew? my head is hurting literally from that final... ouch.
Two more today.. wish me luck.. buen suerte!

Sinful

I know this can be hard but right now you must be your strongest and remember that the remainder is taken care of. When he died on the cross of calvary your weakness was atoned for. When you are weak, he is your strength, even when you are strong, he is stronger still. So rely on Him now! Turn you eyes to the hills where you help comes from, run to the Father whoes outstreached arms will hold you safely. Run to the protector who would and has died to save you. Until you can do this, you are only half living. you are living a finite life with a soul that was ment for infinity. you are a princess of the king, not just any king but the king of kings. So why tamper with the sins of those who have fallen? Do you think you, in your finite strength can resist the Prince of Darkness, you are not the same. You will fail on your own accord so turn to the only one who can sustain you, who can protect you, who can love you with a love that saved the world, who can see deep into your heart and judge you there and not on your outward appearance. Turn to the words he's sent you, to the people who are his, to him directly. He will be there, maybe silently at first but wait, he will comfort and heal for his is the greatest healer and comforter you will ever encounter in all you few years. He is waiting. What wil you choose, will you allow him to be enough or will you live in the lies of the Prince of Darkness? It's your choice, he gave it to you.

Amazing At Something

So I went to my mailbox today (where all good news comes from) and I found this pink slip that was obviously campus mail and I was about to throw it away when I realized that it was personalized and that it was about awards chapel. Now this semester I do not have to go to chapel, I am work exempt so I have only been to one chapel this semester and that was the one that Rachel spoke at cause I promised that I would go.
ANYWAY
I am being recognized for ... something... who knows what.. like I said I don't go to chapel and my grades this semester are sure as heck not up to any academic awards. I am receiving an award at the Education banquet but it wouldn't be the same award that I would receive in chapel because we do all of our awards in house in the Education department. So I'm being recognized for more than one great annonomous thing that I have done this semester...But I don't know what it could possibly be for either of them. ... I'll let you know when I find out what they are so I can tell you! but know that I am amazing at something!!

Easter

I was home and now I'm back home. It's strange having two homes. Both with people you love living there, and churches that you want to attend for Easter. Over all Easter was GREAT! I participated in 4 services and I got to do the sunrise service with my dad (although he forgot to mention that it was going to outside in the 40 degree weather. That's what blankets are for I guess) I love Easter at my house b/c although we do all the Easter bunny and Egg hunt stuff, we also focus on the good stuff like the resurrection and celebrating Christ's victory! That's what really takes the foreground in my house and I really appriciate that my parents strive to remind us of that each year. (not that I don't like the basket hunts) So yeah.....
now I'm back at school and really feeling pretty laid back for the amout of stuff I have to get done for this comming week. 2 research papers and 2 case studies and mountains of other stuff. but in 3 weeks I will be done.. and I'll be on my way to being a Sr! it's kinda scary ya know, cause I don't know what is in my future. All I know is that Jesus is there and I'm trusting him to work wonders in my life each day!

blessings

God does answer to prayers....

I don't care who is reading this

So this past week has been difficult and this may seem like a blast from the past to some of you who have been reading for a while and to those of you who stumble upon this well... this will all be new and exciting news!
So the reason this week has been difficult is because of my ex boyfriend. last week I couldn't go a day (literally) without someone asking me "How's Jimmy doing?" or "What's Jimmy up to?" or my favorite "So where's Jimmy I haven't seen him in a long time?" Well my reply to the last one is I haven't seen him in a long time either.
**History Lesson**
so Jimmy and I began dating this time last year. All was good and I really liked him, even though he was different than the other guys I usually dated, it was a great different! So all was going swimminly, he came to Pittsburgh and we did the city thing and then I came back to NY and we did a met game, which was really fun. But then I came back to school and he was commuting. We both had crazy schedules and didn't see each other much, which caused tention. So then because of the tention I began to see other problems in the relationship. Such as me being the sole support for him and my being really needy because he was so nurturing. We relyed too heavily on eachother and it was a destructive relationship, being destroyed slowly. I didn't want to break up with him. But it wasn't fair to either of us to stay in the realtionship. Because we didn't have less feeling for eachother after the break-up, it was difficult and he left school and I kinda closed myself off. we haven't talked since that horrible day (ok that's a bit dramatic but true in fact)
**back to the future**
So I couldn't get away from people who wanted to know about Jimmy this past week, which brought up a lot of the stuff that I never dealt with. I kinda just burried all my feelings when we broke up and now they are resurfacing and demanding to be dealt with. So on Tues. Heather tells me that she saw Jimmy in the Cafe. "When, Why, For What?" all raced through my mind. I know the when and probably the for what.. but the why? well that will probably always be a mystery. Because I emailed him to appoligize for some of the crap that I put him through and he hasn't emailed me back... and really it's sick because I check my email now twice a day and like a pathetic little girl I hope to see an email from him saying that he forgives me. But none are there, and I really deep down know that none will ever be there. It just makes it hard. Really hard.
So this difficult week is of my own making, but I'm having Ben-N-Jerry night with Ami tomorrow so hopefully that will make things all better.. (don't I wish)

Alone

So I never understood what that guy ment when he said he 'was lonely even in a room full of people'. But this month, this semester I do. Mandi isn't here but really, there must be more. That can't be the sole reason I feel so meloncaully. There are days when I sit in my room alone, and feeling sad for myself b/c I have noone to hang out with then, someone will call and invite me out and what does sad little me do?... I politely decline and make up an excuse why I can't go. Then I continue to feel sad for my lonely self. How pathetic is that. I rationalize in my head that they dont want to really hang out with me and that I wouldn't have fun or that they wouldn't have fun if I went. Really I know those are all lies. I have wonderful friends who love me and I always have fun with them, even when you would think fun is impossiable.
But what can cause this? this ... I don't wanna call it depression but... this meloncaully feeling? The feeling that none of your friends want to be bothered with you, or the feeling that you are fat and ugly and the feeling that you will be single and strange for the rest of your human life and that you might just might be reencarnated as a toad. This makes me sadder to be writing about my pathetic life. So please don't comment just read and join me in my feeling of being alone even in the sea of friendly faces that surround me.

random

My life has exploded.. if you could see my bedroom you would understand. it's nice not having a roommate to share all this space with but I love my Mandi and wish she was here to kick my butt into gear (she was always good at that). But she's in Fiji and haveing a grand time, swimming like a fish and fishing with a spear, really all I hear about are fish so... anyway yesterday I was having a crappy busy day and I went to my mailbox and I had a pink slip! (which means there is a package for you!) so I went and picked it up and it was my b-day gift from Mandi! that sly fox had her sister send me a package for my birthday! That's why I love her. God is so GOOD!
Plus my Daddy is comming to see me this next week (well not me specifically but still...)
Maybe this week isn't as crazy as I thought it was .. but .. its almost over.. how time flies

Celebrate

So I'm 21 now.. wooooppy-do! (that's real excitement not sarcastic excitement) I didn't do anything exciting this year.. or the year before, or any of my birthday's that I can remember, well there was maybe one. My family sees birthdays as something that is expected, why celebrate? you survived another year. we expected you to do that. I guess it's not until you don't survive another year that you wish you had celebrated all those years before. My family feels the same way about high school graduation and college graduations, I'm not sure yet but I don't think weddings are out of the ordinary either. And for me it double sucks cause I have amazing sisters who are both genuises, and so if anyone gets a celebration it's them and I stand no chance.
I'm really not just depressed or having a bad day it's just the facts of life. For my 21st birthday I had to hound my father to come out to dinner with my sister and I, I received no cards and only one gift (a bunny-bop-n-toss) from Micah, my sister's boyfriend.
I'm also not telling you this so you feel bad for me, like I said this is just the facts of life. I enjoy my family because I know that they have high expectations for me, they push me, in a healthy way. But just sometimes I wish SOMETHING was good enough for a celebration. we are a family full of joy, each of us on our own and when we are together, I guess we celebrate every moment so when one moment has a great life event, our celebration just goes on.
For once I want to feel celebrated.

A Strange Grange

So this week I'm home from school for Spring Break and we are just hanging out (Stasi and Ami and I) becasue Stasi is leaving for Slovakia in the next two weeks. So I came home Fri night and Sat I got up early to sing on the WT and then we went shopping for an outfit for me to wear on my outing that night... we were going square danceing!!! it was sooo much fun! (we didn't dress funny in the end).. it was kinda a blind outing for me because I didn't have a guy to take so I was going with Judah's friend Gerry... That was fun, he was kinda akward (well not him) The situation (well not that either) OK so lets just say it was a little off (I'm not sure how to express how I feel in words sometimes) So we went square dancing..
First we got lost.. so I know a LOT about Gerry cause all we could do was talk, we talked about Broasting (Do you even know what that is?) and I now know what a grange is! So we got there and the square dance, first of all you do dance in a square.. it's crazy, who knew (I never did this in HS gym) Alright so also I learned how to *alaman left* which I can't explain but I can show you if you ask... and well now I can say that I can square dance... (do you think you can put that on your resume?)

Dear God

Dear God- I can't escape work for a moment.. now they are sending me emails!!! AHHHH

Life Sucks

Life seems to suck lately... everyone I know has had a crappy week, well they wouldn't say that.. all my friends are terriably upbeat about life but; some of them are expelled, some are suspended, some are severing relationships they have had and treasured for a long time, some are saying a hard goodbye, and still others are just overwhelmed with life in general. I am having a fine week, and I feel bad. I wish I knew how to be there for each one..
**Ami needs Mango snapple if anyone is in PA**
**Lauren could use a hug if you're in the neighborhood**
**Stasi could use a personal assistant if anyone is looking for something to do**
**I could use a term paper or two**
**Everyone could use a couple more hours in their day**
It's hard for me to see friends in need and not be able to help. I can buy presents, I can give hugs, I can be the sholder to cry on, I can even be the one to tuck them in at night after a long day but all of that just seems so empty, like I'm only scratching the surface of the problem.. I wish I could just get rid of it, but I can't. Life sucks that way.

The most interesting thing

So I thought to myself, 'I should update this so if on the off chance that someone will come accross my little parcel of cyber space they will have something to read, and won't think that this is an abandoned site.' But then the delema came to me that nothing interesting has happened in the past month or so for me to write about.. I could write about Justin and how he's on strike three with Nyack and still swinging strong, or how Rachel needs prayer cause everyone is dying in her family in the past month. I could even write about my sister who is mad at me for telling her to marry the man of her dreams, or how I am ready to punch my boss in the face and walk out of the job. But none of that really strikes me as interesting... but then I did some reading for my Multicultural Classroom class and BAM there it was.. the topic for this blog...
**side note**
that's how sad my life is, the most interesting thing I have to write about came from a reading for one of my classes.. how pathetic am I
**back to the most interesting thing ever**
We are talking about being white.. something that I can identify with. They are talking about how whites have privilages that they don't even think about and as I read this list I realized that this is so true.. I take all of these things for granted.. so read them and if you are white.. which do you think is the most interesting one to think about. .and if you are not white.. just read them..some apply to you.. some don't but really I think everyone can learn from this list....:
1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchassing houseing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
3. I can be pretty sure that my neighborhood on such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me
4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed
5. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented
6. When I am told about our national heritage or about 'civilizaton' I am shown that pople of my color made it what it is
7. I can be sure the my children will be given curricular materials tha testify to the existance of thier race.
8. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this peice on white privilage.
9. I can go inot a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into the hairdresser's shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
10. Whether I use cheeks, credit cards, or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability
11. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them
12. I can swear or dress in second hand clothing or not answer letters without having people attribute these choices t the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race.
13. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial
14. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
15. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group
16. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion
17. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.
18. I can be pretty sure the if I ask to talk to 'the person in charge' I will be facing a person of my race.
19. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.
20. I can easily buy posters, postcars, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featureig people of my own race.
21. I can go home form most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, out numbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared
22. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having coworkers on the job suspect that I got it because of my race.
23. I can choose public accomidation witout fearing that people of my race can not get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chossen.
24. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my race will not work against me
25. If my day, week, or year have gone badly I need not ask of each episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.
26. I can choose blemish-cover or bandages in 'fleshl color and have them more or less match my skin.


List taken from:
McIntosh, P. (n.d.). White privilege: unpacking the incisible knapsack. Fondations for living, 128-132.