One Step at a Time

So here's the deal, today I was thinking about sending out some more resumes to try to find a job so I'm not still living at home at 23 years of age. And I started to think about where I would go... overseas, stateside; urban, rural, suburb; elementary, middle, high school; public, private, camp setting, Christian; to look for pay or experiance... the questions and possibiblities are endless. And then, because that became daunting too quickly I began to think about where I had been... stateside, urban, rural, suburb, elementary, middle school, public. And all the places I wish to go.
This past week has been a stretch as I began my second placement. Coming from Kindergarten in a very affluent community to a middle school in a very urban area has been quite a switch. I am hearing things like administrators saying "Well it was only a slashing, not a stabbing, thank goodness". I have had to gain a key to get into the bathroom (and it only works on the floor I teach on). I have had to lock up anything that wasn't bolted to the floor, so it doesn't walk away. I have fallen in love, yet again. It's nice to be here, I have more kids but I can remember some of the kids names which I have help with since some of them have thier name shaved into the side of thier heads, or tatooed on thier bodies.
Over all I will see where this road takes me, but for now, I'll live in the moment, I'm only 22 so I have a year (right mom *wink *wink). And I've painted my toes so no matter where I go I can put my prettiest foot forward.

Making a Dent

So today marks a full week since I began this saga of finding a student teaching placement. But for the school it marks a full year since they began this process. I still don't understand why they can't just do thier jobs and get me into a school. Today I called twice, emailed twice, and stopped by twice. I have yet to talk to the student teaching coordinator in person, or on the phone, or via email. This is frustrating! I did call the Middle School and I am very pleased to say that the principal I wasn't sure existed does in fact exist and she is very sweet sounding on the phone, very friendly and helpful. I begin Thursday although I'm not sure that the Middle School knows what I am to be doing there since when I spoke with the principal and she didn't even know that I was needing an ESL placement. At this point I am demanding from the school that they send me all the forms they sent to the Middle School, and I'm pretty sure it's a short stack. (or none at all based on the information that the Middle School had.) So I go in Thursday! yeah, for finally making some sort of headway. Thanks to all who prayed and thought well toward me. I appriciate it. Keep it up.

Bordom Reigns

This week has been boring and frustrating as I just sat around and did basically nothing all week. Next week doesn't look that promising either. Basically my school can't get thier act together enough to find me a placement for my student teaching. So I am at thier mercy till they figure it out. So.... bordom reigns! If you would like to send me mail that would give me something to read and maybe cause I'm bored I'll write back.

My Last Day of Elementary School

So today was my last day. In the beginning they told us that our first placement would be the hardest to leave. I didn't beleive them when I met S and the rest of my kids. But now I do. I was prepared to say goodbye to them one class at a time and instead the Alina and Lizane had planned a big party for the end of the day. The kids had made me cards and pictures with notes. They are so precious! I almost cried, but didn't. Then my teacher got me a starting teacher kit which includes an exacto knife. I'm not sure what that means about my first year of teaching but we'll go with it. In all it was a good day. And tomorrow will be a whole other story....

Mini Moments That Make Me Laugh

While sharing about healthy eating habits L shared with the class that she didn't drink soda. Trying to elicit more language from her I asked why. Fishing for the answer like 'it has too much sugar' or 'it's bad for your teeth' or 'it has too much caffene.' But I never would have been prepred for the answer I got. "Because I'm Russian". Who knew?

We have show and tell everyday in Kindergarten ESL, one to two kids a day. Today was Jo's turn. He forgot his show and tell in his classroom so he had to go back and get it. I think he forgot all together because he came back with his winter hat. 'a strange show and tell' I thought but oh well to each his own. Then to my delight he turned the hat inside out and showed us the real show and tell item. The Tag! who would have thought? So today's show and tell was the tag from Jo's hat. We looked at the washing instructions and what the hat was made of. (100% cotton in case you were wondering)

One of my students who is very cooperative most of the time crack me up sometimes with his uncanny way of connecting chicken nuggets to anything. JW can make anything about chicken nuggets and the funny thing is that he can explain it to you in a way that in the end you feel like his reasoning is perfectly logical. So here's to JW and his chicken nuggets. (His mom says he won't eat them.)

Not Valid

So it has been quite some time since I have posted anything and I'm not sure this is going to post anyway because I am not valid. (Which seems to be the story of my life lately.) Google has taken over my blog and I'm not sure why it won't let me post things such as comments on my sister's blog because I'm not valid. It is sad to not be valid.
At school today I was not valid. I am administering state tests for NJ (which are the devil in paper form). However because I have ESL students who don't know what you mean when you give directions like "Only write on the lines provided"
"What does provided mean?"
"What do you think it means?"
"You're the teacher don't you know?"
"Yeah doesn't it say in that book you are reading from?"
"As a matter of fact, it doesn't say in this book I'm reading from. But I do know what provided means. But I can't tell you because this is a test" (I'm only allowed to say what the books says.)
"I don't beleive you."
"Ok provided means only write on the lines on the page, don't make up lines of your own or write anywhere else on the page."
"I still don't believe you, can we have snack now."

And so goes my non valid testing strategies out the window. I didn't feel so bad when I heard that the ESL kids scores don't go into the overall scores of the school and that most of the time my cooperating teacher does more than just reexplain directions in plainer than plain English.

Today I also dressed up as the cat in the hat and I got to light the principal's hat on fire. Well not the hat itself, just the candles on his hat. That was not something every student teacher gets to do, I wonder if I can put that on my resume. They keep telling us to remember things we do in our placements that not every student teacher gets to do. I think that counts. although I don't think it will help me get in good with the principals I am applying with. but oh well.

Miss Havener

So I am officially Miss Havener! It's strange, whenever I introduce myself to the students, I still say "Hi, I'm A..Miss Havener" It's kinda like Joe, my boyfriends nephew, who adds A to the beginning of every word he says. only with him it's cute cause he's 2 and with me it's not quite as cute cause I'm 19 years past the 'cute stage'. But my students are SO cute! I am in love with them already. I am teaching on the GW bridge, In Englewood Cliffs (North Cliff Elem. and Upper School Elem.) It's been tons of fun so far and now promises to be more work than I had imagined. Some days I wonder for a split second if I really want to do this FOR-EV-ER (yeah for the sandlot), and then one of my kids will say hi, or come to class ready to learn, and I forget that I even had that moment of doubt. I guess I'm in this for the long haul.

Cross Your Fingers

Its been a while since I wrote here, although I have been doing plenty of writing for school. My semester is over (Praise the Lord!), It ended hecticly as I tried to pull together all of the things I left to the last minuet. I got it all done and when the dust settled my grades were better than I thought they would be. mostly A's (like my mom loves to hear). I am still fighting with the school about one of my grades, which is somewhere out there, and I wish to retreive it (cross your fingers). I return to school on the 6th and will hopefully be student teaching this spring, although the school has not given me a placement as of yet, (cross you fingers on that one too). So really Santa treated me well and I am looking forward to getting back to school, if that's possiable. (cross your fingers).

Snow

Today it snowed, I was in a car (not mine) listening to Stacy Orico and suddenly there were about 10 flurries and then nothing but I still maintain that it was the 'first snow' of the year for me! I don't usually like to see snow but this year I make an exception because it's been so dang warm lately that I am enjoying the prospect of having some snow... just some.

Agape

This weekend I got to (on a fluke) go to my boyfriend's church for a seminar on the Love of God. It was really interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. It made me think about how much God does love me, and how often I don't think about it and how I need to really abide in His love because his love is for me and I am special. I also got more comfortable at his church and with his pastor (who is a nice man).
in conjunction with all of this I found that I like adding English ending to Greek words. such as Agape. (meaning love). Here are some examples:
1. I agaped him until he broke my heart.
2. I am agapeing these shoes!
3. My mother agapes me.

you can also use endings from other languages, such as spanish.
agapeindo you all!

More Jesus, Less World

Faith and Fear are made of the same, both faith and fear beleive that something that can't be seen will happen.

Many things are needed, only one thing is necessary.

God is good. I am realizing this more as I spend more time with him. Try it.

Good Day

Things that are Good about Today:
1. I passed my CST (261)
*yeah for me!*
2. The sun is shining and I'm not wearing a scarf for the first time in 5 days
3. My sister is having a worse day than I am. (sorry about the yougurt)
4. I had breakfast with my roomie
5. Midterms aren't quite as scary today. :)
6. Jesus loves me (I learned that in sunday School)

Too Little Too Late

So I've been reading blogs from friends (because I'm a bad one and I have no other way of finding out what is going on in their lives than reading their online blogs) but I am encouraged to see that I am not the only one who is overwhelmed with being a Sr. in college. I am not the only one who has taken on too much in an effort to fit it all in to the last 'wonderful' moments of being in college. I am not alone in feeling disillusioned that being a Sr. would suddenly make life exciting and add more hours to my days. I'm not the only one who has replaced good-byes with 'let's hang out sometime' (both sides knowing the whole time that seeing eachother is just a nice thought and won't acctually come to be)
Maybe I have loaded myself too full this semester, maybe I've taken on too much, maybe I set the standards too high for myself as a friend and girlfriend and student and employee. Maybe.
I like Meg's idea, I'm moving to Australia with her.

My Current State

I'm home, yes, I didn't go to my roomies for the weekend, even though it was her birthday party... I'm a bad friend. So I was going to stay at school for the break, then mandi needed me to come and meet her half way to pick up the girl who she took with her (cause the girl had to be back Mon and mandi's not coming back till Tue). So then I went to church, freaked out and then decided to come home. I packed in 3 min. and jumped in my car and went home. Life is good. (the only thing about packing in 3 min is that you forget things... like undergarments...) such is life.. I'm glad to be home.

just a note to those who wonder

There was valet parking, cocktail hour and a Russian ball room involved. Life is good.

Warm (Fuzzy) Things

I have three warm things... well four warm things I guess....
I have a warm fuzzy sweater from my mommy and my ami
I have a warm fuzzy feeling because the package I picked up today was for me! (last time I picked up a package, I opened it and inside was a HUGE fuzzy pink sweater, "Who would send this to me" I thought so I looked for a letter (there was none) so I looked on the outside and realized that they gave me the wrong package.... I felt so bad for opening it.
I also have warm coffee, which is not fuzzy (thank the lord)
And finally I have hot chocolate which is not warm at the moment (I'm drinking coffee) but it will be warm when I make it.
Thanks you mommy and ami for my package.. I can't wait to see you guys. sorry it won't be till Thanksgiving. :(
think warm fuzzy thoughts till then.

Tomorrow is a New Day

"Everyday is new, with no mistakes in it yet" -Anne
I like that quote, it's soothing to me, makes me feel better, like in a couple minuets all the crap that's going on will end.

I'll suddenly be able to take my private jet home for an evening to hug my mommy
I'll suddenly be able to write an expert essay on one or more novels from my class (I didn't 'get' any of them)
I'll suddnely be able to understand empty nest syndrome and will find a cure
I'll suddenly know what is going on with my big sister, whom I am feeling so disconnected from I feel like I should take my private jet there first.
I'll suddenly be seeing my roommate whom I haven't talked to in going on 3 days now
I'll suddenly have 4 more hours in my day to get done the things I didn't get done yesterday and last week

I have a feeling that in a couple minuets I will be in bed, and I will have forgotten the problems of today, and maybe just maybe when I wake up I can stay in a blissfully ignorant state for a little bit.
A little bit would be nice.

My Cell Phone Made Me Do It.

so you ever have times in your life when you are fully convinced that everyone you know is insane? That no one knows what's going on and that you should know because you figured out that someone should know what's going on? I'm there. Stuff at home is ... shall we say... not so good? I can't call my big sister to talk to her and ask her expert advice (plus she's going insane and chatting with coworkers about undergarments at lunch) I can't call my lil sis because she's at school and just as crazy as my older sister and I are. My brother is to young to sholder the burden which I carry (how formal does that sound). My father apparently cries everytime he hears my name (either from insanity or out of distress for my current state) I'm pretty sure it's both. My mother and I can't seem to have a conversation where one of us doesn't cry. Maybe it's this cell phone? I'm getting a new one soon... hopefully. Maybe that will help. That's it, let's blame the cell phone.

The Sun is Shining

I took a test today... it took me 2 hours... it was sopposed to take 4 hours... I got lost on my way there but my amazing directionally challenged self redirected me and I made it to the testing site with 20 min to spare... I took the test and didn't fall asleep even though I had to get up at like 6am this morning to take the test... There were people up and blowdrying thier hair even before I was in the shower... I am fairly sure that I passed the test...my phone is in a box ... currently I have more phones than miss brenda... I have 3 phones... :) ... I am smiling because I have had a wonderful day... The sun is shining.. my roomie is amazing... my mom is lovely and efficent... my sisters are beautiful (even though they never call me)...and did I mention that the sun is shining?

A Necessary Repetition

It's been a while... but life has been rough. (the understatement of the month). Yesterday I had a Stasi moment. to clarify, I have this sister, whom I love. She sometimes has moments where she stops functioning. Where life just gets too overwhelming. And all bodily functions shut down. I was sitting in a field talking to my mother the other day (I have the world's best mom by the way). So I'm in the field, just crying and having a breakdown and my mom is trying to calm me down and I realized that this is what it's like for Stasi when I am talking to her. It's all stuff she knows, all stuff I know. It's all stuff she's told herself, stuff I've told myself. But it's still stuff she needs to hear, I need to hear. Life is sometimes like that. A series of repetition that is necessary. So one more time: just for repetitions sake: I love you mom! thanks a million for being there for me! and thanks to Stasi, and Ami and Matt and Pastor Dave. You're all great!
**I'm doing better now**